Kristen

Finding Voice

I wake. My eyes slowly open for what seems like the first time. Overwhelmed by colors,shapes, sizes; I blink hard. I look around slowly. I see faces. I see corners, bright lights,doorways. My breathing feels heavy and hard. After moments I notice that I have no movement of my hands, of my feet. I try to move, but I cannot. I glance down to see my wrists pressing against the tightly bound ribbon. I pull, but there is no movement. I go to open my mouth to speak, but my lips, as my legs and arms, are bound; there is tape across my face. Panic sets in and subsides. I relax into the bondage. Why fight?

Why fight?? Why fight?!!!!!! WHY FIGHT???!!!

I pull hard. Really hard. on everything. I feel the skin on my wrists break. The chair beneath me moves--this feels good. I pull harder. Again, and again, and again. And again and again and AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND---------

Silence. Stillness. My shocked and terrified eyes stare disbelieving at what they had assumed was not possible--my hand has been freed. My hand!! MY HAND!!!! Quiet. Fear. Excitement fear, excitement fear.

My fingers run over the ribbon. The ribbon that incapacitated my hand, the ribbon that continues to bind the remainder of my appendages. Slowly my finger tips become aware of their power.

My mouth. MY MOUTH!!! My hand flies to my face. My body pulsates. My finger skims the outline of the sticky plastic silencer. In a moment of madness my hand strips the tape from my mouth. Breath. Breath. Sound. Make sound. Whimper. Quiet cry. Laughter. VOICE!!! Put it back put it back PUT IT BACK!! My hand flies to my face and smacks the tape back to its original placement. Silence phew silence. Oppression. Safe, safe, quiet oppression. Safe oppression. Yes, safe. Oppression.

Oh, but I must know. I must!! I must!!! Just once more. Please please please.

Hand flying to face tape ripping off mouth widening scream releasing
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA hand returning to face returning tape silencing mouth silencing scream obliterating voice obliterating voice obliterating voice.